Shattered

In the deafening silence

Of a hollow laugh,

Something, somewhere is often missed.

In the hundred lies we live everyday,

And the truth that remains

Naked, battered and cold

In an ego that is too proud

To just wither away, choked.

And so I stand on the edge,

Of a sad smile,

Ready to fall in the bleeding pits of eyes

Where a dream remains

Like a shred of glass.

I am ready to fall

To break into a million pieces,

Not ready to die

Without one final rebellion.

Some people reach a breaking point,

Some wait,

Torturing themselves,

Taking it all

And not once asking,

"when is enough?"

They will be freed,

After the turmoil

Destroyed

Without a trace of lie left behind

To wither slow.

There are rivers,

That revolt,

And die in their youth,

No salty surrender for them.

And so I wait,

To be hit real hard

And stand, unshaken.

To fight back

And fall for once

After the fight is won.

Without ever hearing

The countdowns.

Because I have to wait

Through every day defeats

And meaningless victories

To be shattered

With no pity.

~Ankur Srivastava



Loner 2

 

He was tired

Of unending days of gray.

Smoke-spitting evenings,

And dark silence of nights.

He had once read

A pretty love poem

In a sad, sulking twilight

To lit up its face with a kiss.

He had watched ever since,

The afterglow of his love

Dimming with every stroke of time

He had remained silent,

Trying not to cry.

He was told,

There are things more important

Than love and love poems.

And the sorrow of this twilight.

So he wished every night,

For tomorrow to be a new day.

With pastel hued mornings

And glittering afternoons.

A beginning often marks an end,

The whispering dreams

Of these dear dark nights,

Had to be muted.

So he did,

Silently sucking the life

Out of a burning love

And letting out the tarnished warmth

In little clouds of smoke.

He looked back, for the last time...

As far as he could

And saw nothing.

When they all waved,

With misty eyes,

He knew it was time.

He picked his bag, confused, and left...

The sadness of the end

The joy of a beginning...

He could not feel it

And tried not to pretend..

He was, as always,

A lonely man.

(c) Ankur Srivastava

Loner

I walk alone,

From the forest of dreams,

A tiny wish plucked away..

I feel the wind of desire,

Brushing my hair.

And I hold my breath.

A stare at the sun,

I let it look down at me..

Proud of its light;

Oh dear, beast of light!

However,

you may look down at me,

I will rise again tomorrow,

To stare at you.

My blood has lost its red,

It's now black and white,

Grey,

The color of my soul.

My smile,

a twisted lip on frozen face.

And my eyes will show nothing,

Just emptiness,

So deep,

You wont dare to reach.

I am here all by myself,

Dont know,

Where I will end up,

I run against destiny,

From the forest of dreams.

A solitary traveler,

Lunatic,

Is on the hunt,

Smelling tears,

I love the pain...

Anybody around?

To reach for me?

'Just back off and stay away! '

(c) Ankur Shrivastava

Drunk!!!

An open bottle of wine,
And ecstasy flows,
And shines,
Falls,
Broken to drops,
Lingers...

In a lonely room,
Lit by memories,
Of broken promises.

The ghosts hide,
In closets locked,
Never to be opened.

The world peeps,
Through cracks,
And I dont hide my face,
I smile,
Shameless.
Alcohol sustains.

Euphoria survives,
In fits and starts.

An icey cold edge,
Of devil's sword,
Comes from the lies lived.

I whisper goodbye,
Before the madness ends.

Copyright(c)Ankur Shrivastava

The Ecstasy Of Pain 6

The Journey !

A rainbow washed away,

In a torrid rain.

An urge to fly

With clipped wings.

Beauty brutally raped,

Virgin body, battered soul.

In this weird world,

No surprise, I walk alone…

Desires burned away.

Hopes brushed aside

Dreams long forgotten.

Carefree steps,

A thumping heart…

Pain flows in the vessels.

Rampaging as a river.

A haunted winter night,

Remainig embers of guilt

Keeping me warm.

Notions falling apart.

Memories fading away.

A fresh beginning,

Every step.

Shadows chased

Horizons challenged.

On roads never visited,

Journey is the destination.

The Ecstasy Of Pain 5

No Tear Is Born!

Somewhere in a quiet universe,
Silence grows into a lull
And ultimately shatters itself.

Darkness melts in darkness,
Thick as blood,
Rigid as clot,
You can almost see through it.

In haunted ignominy,
Solitude remains your only friend,
The dreaded comes true,
You fall in love with it.
Solitude is a brutal soulmate.

Some wounds can never heal,
Neither with love
Nor with time.
They integrate with your being.
A wounded existence!

In a ruined womb of pain,
No tear has ever been born!
It aches and bleeds,
A terrible spasm,
No matter how hard you push!

In a ruined womb of pain,
No tear is born!

The Ecstasy Of Pain 4

A Quite Smoke

As I sit there
Smoking away my good old days,
Memories both sweet and bitter.

Cremating my own heart,
I see it turning to ashes.
A dimming light
What used to be a vivid spark.

Oh! my imprisoned soul,
Away she goes...free
As smoke-rings.
Oh! let me fly
These are my fairy wings.

The Ecstasy Of Pain 3

I refuse to smile,
No, I can’t,
I am sad, I don’t feel cheerful.
Smile is the expression of bliss.
It should be innocent
Tender, playful,
May be naughty at times.
Like it once was.

It should not be forced
Or else,
It will look like a crack
A break, a scar, a wound.

It can’t be used as a mask.
I won’t wear facades.
I am not guilty,
I need not hide.

I am simply hurt,
Badly hurt,
Brutally hurt.
My pain is real, innocent
Please let it be.
Please let it heal.

I won’t scream
It’s not my way.
I need no lullabies
So, what if I can’t sleep.
I will stay up, awake;
And weave new dreams.

Silence will discover peace
Pain will meet joy.
I will find me.

The Ecstasy Of Pain 2

You may have seen nightmares
And woken up screaming.
Last night I woke up
To see the worst nightmare
And I could not scream,
Neither could I sleep again.

I went for a stroll
It was early morning,
Or late night perhaps.
Didn’t really matter,
As all times seemed alike.

The day slowly unfolded,
A little child in me
Wanted to cry again,
But it was crowded in the park,
A frantic pain rose in my chest.
And only smoke came out
Through my hollow eyes.

I walked on,
But could not feel the earth,
No, I wasn’t numb,
I was stuck,
I was sinking with the earth.

Ah, it was great pain
To see the earth sinking.
Even the sky screamed,
A scar across it’s dark face,
Tears poured on all of us,
Blood came through the scar
They called it rainbow.

But, I know
The earth and sky were hurt
And me too.

The Ecstasy Of Pain

Two eyes awake in pain,
Beads of tears dead.
Dreams lie quiet, afraid, still.

Lips twisted in a smile,
Dry flaky lips,
They don't understand,
They can only feel.

A whisper echoes
In deep well of solitude,
Where despair sprouts up,
Roots of hope can never reach.

I pick up my paint-brush,
A crimson dot on blue canvas;
Colors reflect dimly.
Clouds wander, homeless,
They don't rain now,
They just wander.

The load of pain
Seems too heavy.
I burn them to ashes,
And burry in the ground.

I kick the earth,
Wounds open up again.
Ah! The ecstasy of pain,
I bleed, I walk.