Wednesday, May 16, 2007

My Last Letter

I can never forget that day, 27th January, 2005. Sitting on that bench outside the hospital room, I could helplessly see you fighting between life and death. But what really broke my heart was the fact that you were fighting for death. An attempt to commit suicide at the age of 16! It was scary for me. I sat there, shocked, with not a single word to offer... You had lost your mother, a pain only you could understand, perhaps you had every right to say goodbye to this life which has been so brutal to you.
We were just friends then, classmates, but secretly I always liked you. The first spring of my teenage, the first honey drenched dream of my life! I always thought of you as an angel I could only dream of.

Through your illness we grew closer. You objected my staying with you for long hours in that hospital room, but I refused to leave you alone. Lectures and notes became our excuses of staying together. We had no romantic beginning to our love. When I first held your hand, it was feeble and pale, when we first looked into each other's eyes, your eyes were shattered and frozen.

Your room was always gloomy, and I hated the darkness reflecting on your face; I remember opening that window when you first shouted at me, when I first made you cry. The harsh sunlight flushed your eyes, too hard for you; I had opened the wrong window. I understood that day that to take care of you I had to grow up, soon.

I learned to stay quiet, to listen to you, to just sit beside you, to let you feel your pain. It was the only way you could come out of it.
Things changed, slowly you were coming back to life.... My diary has got every detail, of not only our first kiss, but also our first trivial talks and pjs, your first smile and giggles.
It was dream coming true for me, you said you were in love with me. We made promises of staying together forever. Ah, that was a life I would miss for an entire lifetime!

Slowly, you have grown out of me. You have rediscovered yourself, and I have become just a reminder of your depressing days. I can see the change in you. When you date those spoiled punks, I am left with no right to even complain. You call it my "possessiveness"; but ain't I supposed to feel protective for you.

Perhaps, you want me to leave you, so I quit today. I once held the paintbrush to paint a perfect life for you, but you have decided not to have me in the picture; therefore I am handing over your brush to you. Paint it in your way.

You are happy today and I would have loved to say that I am happy too. But sadly, I am not; I miss the days when you were depressed and lonely and you had no one but me. Ah, it sounds bad, I am sorry.

copyright (c) Ankur Srivastava

13 comments:

Usha said...

Ankur, this is a marvellous story.. i loved the way it began, the simple plot, the ephiphanic moment of realisation...
a very delicate story, told with sensitivity, and the subtlety of emotions is what makes it work..
lovely!
and since i'm a beggar for sentimentality..:)

pop_allalula said...

Frankly a good write and I do get lost in sentimental stuff :)

and in ur language,
Emotions Have A Language !

Shal said...

Amazing the way it flowed !!
Touched my heart !!!

Venkat said...

Ankur
I have to keep reminding myself of how young you are in physical years when I read this. The subject is very compelling. I have seen it happen often that people who are very close in sorrow are actually separated in happiness...you have hit bulls eye in saying its coz one is a reminder of that tragedy. The selfishness inherent in this is just human. I think this is one of the most mature writes I have seen on a similar topic!!

dolly said...

A very touching story,Ankur! excellent story writing skills..another feather in your cap! Keep penning the lovely ones..
The tone of this story is surely sad but reflects truly on the selfishness of some relations we depend so much emotionally on.For you fed a soul whereas urz went hungry
Bravo MAN!

INDR's Angels said...

kudos.they haVE SAID it all.

and thanks for the copyright.

sashu said...

You want me to leave you, so I quit today. I once held the paintbrush to paint a perfect life for you, but you have decided not to have me in the picture; therefore I am handing over your brush to you. Paint it in your way.


loved dez lines..de entire write has so sensitively portrayed the emotions..a splendid write ankur! talent oozing out..datz ankur to me!

Shreyans Mehta said...

very sensitively portrayed... i loved the last lines

I miss the days when you were depressed and lonely and you had no one but me. Ah, it sounds bad, I am sorry.

Good work but it loses the grip at places... the "middle class mentality" cud be replaced by a more apt statement... loads of scope 2 improve in story telling... but good work anyways...

Cheers:)

Anonymous said...

Ankur, I ddin't know you write stories too! Having read your poems on PH i knew how well you write..but this way way too beautiful...I can't believe a guy can write such a subtle tale...and i absolutely love the poetic style you kept up in the story!! Write write write!! For you're a true writer!!

Preeti(if u dont know who i am, check your orkut pal list..hehe)

Anonymous said...

i sumhow felt as if m in a movie of my own life..jst hidden behind ur story..feelins r same yet the story differs..
the last few lines..shelfish as ever bt i really wish he ws alone n i really wish he hd jst me to love n no one else..life wud hv bin bettr sumhw..
bt nw dat i hv learnd to live without him..i jst ur wrk as a sensitive delicate one..loved it..!!

invisible reflections said...

hi ankur. well this is truly amazing, its simple but the flow is so soft and continuos, the words just melt thru and we keep on reading.. wonderfull !!!!

manisha said...

Life is just a chance to grow a soul.
n ankur ..........frankly speaking u hv that soul now for ur such creativity i felt while feeling ur each word.
plz keep writing now n 4ever.
awwwwwwwwwwsm

Ankur said...

Thank you manisha. Am glad that you liked it so much. Yes, I ll try to keep writing as I really enjoy it.
Thank you really.